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 | Kilmov and his missing days - where was he? | |
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[IOD]Snips
Super Regular
Speed Sniping
Master
|  | | P: | 05/12/2024 04:43 EST |
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| Poll: KILMOV was missing because |  | | Drug trial with organs harvested (7%) | | Offered actor job, quit after realizing was a porno (7%) | | Pound naming dogs after d2f members (7%) | | Even he doesn't know where he was (20%) | | Temp Blindness from eclipse (13%) | | 7/11 sensitivity training camp yet again (33%) | | Hostage gone wrong (7%) | | Death row, mixup fixed. Turns out he has identical twin (7%) |
| | Poll has ended (it ran for 7 days). 15 total votes. |
KILMOV and his missing days. The untold true story about where he was really. Arriving soon on Netflix.
He was gone for weeks & his absence was very much noticed. Curiosity grew to concern as nobody knew.
Let's hear some ideas. | |
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[IOD]Snips
Super Regular
Speed Sniping
Master
| | | P: | 05/12/2024 04:57 EST |
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DOG WALKER
Kilmov was tired of being teased & decided to visit the shelter for stray dogs. They had every age and nearly every breed of dog & puppies. Kilmov was so overtaken by the kindness of the animals that he decided to volunteer full time and this went on for weeks. He began to assign names to the dogs using the names of players that play on Drippys. The establishment owners loved the names Upset, General and Fite. "How's my little Pepperjack and Gaba doing today!?" said the store owner to two of the dogs as he loved the creative names Kilmov seemed to have thought up.
You see Kilmov was talking about his feelings and none of the dogs made fun of him, for he loved them and they loved him back. As a bonus, Kilmov began to teach all the dogs to SIT and they obeyed! This made Kilmov so happy.
Finally after a few weeks, a school bus filled with children arrived to adopt some dogs and Kilmov greeted the class of kids. Kilmov began to tell the class some of the latest dogs he had named and said "This dog's name is TRUMPS_ANUS, this one is PIGPUSSY and this is......" when suddenly Kilmov is interrupted with the angry teacher throwing his arms up & screaming, resulting in Kilmov being kicked out and forced to return home. Sad & lonely once more, Kilmov decided to return to TFC.
Let's all try to treat Kilmov with some respect and show him that we care, and it wouldn't hurt you to hump his leg every once in a while & piss in his shoe. | |
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[IOD]Snips
Super Regular
Speed Sniping
Master
| | | P: | 05/12/2024 04:59 EST |
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DRUG TRIAL
It was towards the end of April that Kilmov wanted to make some extra money. He wanted a fast solution that wouldn't distract from his duties in Team Fortress Classic so a second job was out of the question. Thankfully he saw a flier for an experimental untested pharmaceutical drug test promising quick cash. As he sat down for treatment #1, he took the pills and passed out. Dream after dream with little flashes of light & the sounds of screaming inbetween dreams.
Completely groggy, Kilmov awoke to find himself in a dirty motel 6 bathtub on the other side of the country with a fresh scar on his stomach covered with medical bandages. For this scam had cost Kilmov a kidney and two weeks of his time as he had been drugged with his organ stolen to be sold. He unsuccessfully hitchhiked his entire way back to his home to play 2fort on a regular basis again. | |
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[IOD]Snips
Super Regular
Speed Sniping
Master
| | | P: | 05/12/2024 05:28 EST |
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Alien Abduction.
Kilmov will be fine as long as he avoids the x-ray machines at the airport or dentist's office. Do NOT look within - everything is fine!
Gender pronoun reassignment surgery.
He used to identify as "He" but will now finally identify as "Him".
Astronaut.
Had to return home early due to solar storm activity ending his mission in orbit early.
Tried going Amish.
Building barns & churning butter was fine but the "no technology" policy was the dealbreaker.
Survivor Contestant.
Was the 3rd one voted off. Please don't tell anyone, as this is a secret.
Lost in the jungle.
The sun doesn't rise in the north and set in the south. He would've returned sooner if he had better directions.
Hiding inside the zoo.
Someone bet him he couldn't remain hidden inside a public zoo for weeks and he accepted the challenge.
Accidentally boarded a departing cruise ship.
Now he's friends with dozens of eighty something year olds.
Bank robbery.
Accidently shared a taxi with bank robbers as they were fleeing where the legal system had to determine if Kilmov was guilty.
Squatter.
Kilmov broke into a house to live rent free in an effort to get better internet. Now his ping is only 188 instead of 210. | |
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[IOD]Snips
Super Regular
Speed Sniping
Master
| | | P: | 05/12/2024 06:18 EST | | E: | 05/12/2024 14:09 EST |
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Banned for life at Disney.
Kilmov climbed inside one of the character costumes that walk around at the Disney theme park and he did the unthinkable. I can show you by using this doll but I don't want to discuss it here.
Therapist.
He changed the door number at a therapy office with an unused room, so that Kilmov could pretend to be a licensed therapist. Each day was more interesting then the last as the people's problems began to grow bigger and bigger after applying his advice.
War Veterans.
Crowds of people cheered as Kilmov told the crowd of war veterans stories about Soldiers fighting on a ramp involving grenades. This went on for weeks as the crowd grew larger everyday. Finally when Kilmov started using the words "respawn" and "game" the crowd grew angry and suddenly lost interest completely.
He won $2 million lottery.
With all his winnings he bought one million powerball tickets & made plans to spend that billion dollar fortune but sadly none of those tickets won.
Kilmov got Tattoos.
On his ass it says "SIT".
On his knees it says "STAND".
On each finger they say
"RUN"
"BACK"
"TO"
"THE"
"RESUPPLY" | |
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Accidentally used super glue instead of wax to shave his butthole and his cheeks got glued together and he couldn’t poop until he wells up like that girl in Willy wonka but brown instead of violet.
“You’re turning violet, Violet!”
(To kilmov) “you’re turning shit stained, Shit Stain”.
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statix
Super Regular
Spaz Sniper
| | P: | 05/12/2024 11:24 EST |
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Must of been related to something going on with his shift supervisor position at the gas station
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elf poo
Super Regular
WMD Creator
| | | P: | 05/12/2024 16:08 EST |
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He was honing his skills at the inhouse server under the name "player". | |
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XenOz3r0xT
Super Regular
Shotgun Quick
Draw
| | P: | 05/12/2024 21:33 EST |
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Nah. He was just SUPER-busy masturbating to porn involving transgendered people. | |
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fred
Super Regular
Killer Scout
Supreme
| | | P: | 05/13/2024 00:55 EST |
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im not even going to pick on him. i do that enough in the server. | |
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JiK MAZZ
Super Regular
WMD Creator
| | | P: | 05/13/2024 09:26 EST |
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 | Ignorant_Florist wrote:
Nah. He was just SUPER-busy masturbating to porn involving transgendered people. | |
That's no excuse. Half the server does that and still finds time to play on Drippy's. | |
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| fred wrote:
im not even going to pick on him. i do that enough in the server. | |
Slacker. | |
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Kilmov cracks me up but what cracks me up even more is how much people can't stand him. I actually think he's a pretty good d player. | |
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JiK MAZZ
Super Regular
WMD Creator
| | | P: | 05/13/2024 15:31 EST |
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Same here. Unless the other team has good O, having Kilmov there is enough to let me go build O teles sometimes. | |
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| Forums > Whiners Corner (Archives) > Kilmov and his missing days - where was he? |
